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November 26th, 2014


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04:28 am - can't sleep
I can't sleep.

I can't sleep because caleb is throwing one of his traditional fits of epic and dramatic nature over a lighting and bedding situation. He's formed a cocoon on the floor and is now thrashing around violently for no apparent reason...probably because i'm typing.

He's probably freaking my cat out. poor baby. New environment is scary enough already.

I just don't feel super welcome. Mom was in a pissy mood when she got home. Didn't want to spend time with us. Got mad at us for making noise because she wanted to watch her show and be plugged in to whatever she was doing on her laptop and phone collectively.

It makes me nervous about taking this job. Driving over here, I really felt my heart set on the position. I feel like it would be an amazing opportunity for me. But there are other factors involved... and is it worth compromising on these other aspects of my life?

Being an out of town kid has its celebrity perks... it means people are extra excited to see you when you do return. It also makes you miss home often, and with a great deal of intensity. Usually I have a great time being home...but kind of feel...displaced. Mom's house does not really offer a whole lot of room for more than one additional person and has become clearly apparent in tonight's situation. I just kind of want to go stay at Dads, but I have the cat and I don't think he would let him come.

That's the other concern. My animals. I will not abandon them. I thought perhaps I could have them stay here while I live at dads to build savings to move to seattle working this new job but now I feel like that's not going to be an option either.

I honestly just kind of feel out of options here. I feel like I just can't make the pieces fit together. Maybe that's a sign. But it could be a sign that I haven't heard anything positive back from anything in spokane either.

I miss my spokane home. I miss my bed, my room mates, Nora ding and my general set up and just wish I had stayed there for thanksgiving. They have become more of a family than I feel like I had here tonight. Sure, my family supports and loves me, but I feel like I'm at the age now where I'm on my own and moving back would just not be what I glorify it to be.

NBA JOB PRO CONS:

PROS:
-Interesting job that i'm passionate about
-Unconventional work schedule
-Great pay- at least the best I've had
-Working in my field
-Degree required
-Case load work
-Great quality non-profit
-Close to home
-Close to Tory, Nicole, Jaime, Nikki, etc
-Great co-worker environment


CONS:
-Living at home
-Animals set up?
-Room mates
-Jenna
-Comfort in Spokane
-Cost of living in Seattle


I don't know. I just ... physically ache thinking about making a decision. I wish that I would be offered the job in Spokane because logically, that would be the best choice. I could stay rooted, grow a little, and move home when I'm more ready. Unfortunately, that is not how life likes to present things I suppose. I really did like that other job and the people I met there, but you never really never know how they felt about you until they do or don't call.
Current Location: Bainbridge Island
Current Mood: Indecisive
Current Music: The New Basement Tapes

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